Real unreal
by Jupinderjit Singh
SHORTLISTED from among lakhs of enthusiastic applicants, I entered the last interview board with swollen chest and my head held high. But the frown on the face of the interviewer wasn’t encouraging, to say the least.
“I think there has been some mistake in shortlisting you,” he began.
“Why, sir, I think I am a fit candidate for your reality show,” I exuded confidence thinking they must be checking my nerves and making me uncomfortable. After all, that is what they do in reality shows, putting one in an uncomfortable situation.
“No, my dear gentleman. You just don’t fit the bill,” he said firmly, “and I will just prove it now.”
I was shaken but readied myself for the onslaught. “Please do, sir,” I said hoping it was all a trap for me and I will not fall in it.
“Have you ever been caught driving rashly, or running over a cop or sleeping labourers?”
“No, sir, I follow all the traffic rules,” I said, proud at myself.
“Did you ever beat a colleague or a senior?”
The answer was again a proud no.
“Are you in an abusive relationship? I mean do you beat your wife?”
“No, absolutely not. Only a coward uses his might on a woman,” I said, again with pride.
“Oh, then does your wife beat you?” he retorted.
“God forbid, sir, what are you saying. We have a healthy relationship.” I said much to his disappointment.
“Were you caught in an immoral activity? Were you ever involved in any national or international controversy? Were you ever caught stealing, were you a master swindler or something, or were you or any of your forefathers dacoits in the Chambal ravines?
He asked all those in one breath. I again replied in the negative, adding: “Sir, I am a journalist. Can’t I fit in?”
“Oh, you are a journalist? So were you part of any international / national scandal,” he asked hoping to get some celebrity status out of me.
“Sir, I did some investigative stories,” I said hoping to make a mark now but he cut me short.
“No, no, were you part of a scandal, means were you involved in it and blew it off when you were chucked out of the elite group?”
“Sir…..”
“Did you pose naked ever or were you ever involved in a sleazy MMS, drug scandal?” he fired more salvos. “No,” he answered himself, “then why would people see you?”
“Sir, I have tried to follow a straight line in life.”
“Ha ha ha ha…then, my dear commoner, just turn back and follow the straight line back to your house. And when you do so, think of doing something exciting in life.” His words echoed for long.
(Published The Tribune dated October 19,2010
1 comment:
It is nice satire
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