the controversies on inter-faith marriages in Kashmir

the controversies on inter-faith marriages in Kashmir


Knot at a cost

Many youngsters are going in for inter-faith and inter-caste marriages to script the
story of a new Kashmir, but this is proving costly with various communities resorting
to violence to thwart such alliances, writes Jupinderjit Singh

Photo: Kuldip Dhiman


LOVE, they say, can bridge many a gap. Therefore, a large number of second-generation Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs and Christians are increasingly choosing the "bond of love" over a communal or caste one in the strife-torn valley of Jammu and Kashmir despite a violent suppression of such alliances. Many persons have either been killed in the process or been forced to kill their feelings. Many are living in hiding and many outside the state. Those who continue to live here are treated like outcastes by their communities and families. Yet, the inter-community love affairs go on.

Soon after Rajnish Sharma married a Muslim girl, Amina, he landed in lock-up and was later found dead in police custody
WEDLOCK: Soon after Rajnish Sharma married a
Muslim girl, Amina, he landed in lock-up and was
later found dead in police custody

Members of the Mahila Sangharsh Samiti demand justice in the Rajnish death case
FAIR PLAY: Members of the Mahila Sangharsh Samiti demand justice in the Rajnish death case
Photos: Anand Sharma

Even though such marriages are seen as a veiled bid to decimate the numerical strength of a community in the state, where the demand for a separate homeland is raging since decades, inter-faith marriages form an undercurrent of a new Kashmir. But are they a solution?
When Amina Yusuf of Kashmir and Rajnish Sharma of Jammu fell in love eight years ago in Gulmarg, they dreamt of a new life and a new Kashmir. A Kashmir where, like them, people from different faiths could not only dare to marry but also live together peacefully.

But that was not to be. By Amina’s own admission before the Jammu police and the media, the couple went on to marry against the wishes of the families and the diktats of their community leaders in August last year. But they could live together only for a few days. Rajnish was booked on the charge of kidnapping and forcibly marrying the 26-year-old Amina, aka Anchal Sharma post marriage.

He was "picked up" by the cops on September 29 and found dead in the Srinagar police’s custody on October 4. `A0 A judicial investigation is on in the case. Amina, after living with her in-laws for three months, returned to her parents’ house this January. Later, Amina retracted from the love affair in a statement before a Srinagar court. She claimed she had been forced to marry. The court hearing is on.

There are many others like them. "On an average, we get one such case daily in Jammu city itself. Often, it is easier to trace and catch a militant than a runaway couple," admits a senior police official requesting anonymity. "We go by the law. The girlparents file a case of kidnapping and add the charge of rape later. It boils down to the girl’s stand. If she deposes before a court that she had gone of her own will, which happens rarely, the law protects the couple," says the senior police officer.

He narrates documented tales of runaway couples being recovered from places as far off as Goa and Siliguri. "Couples elope the world all over. But in this state, it acquires far more serious proportions," he says, pointing towards the communal divide. "No community here wants its members to join another community after marriage. The community members fear that one by one, their numbers will dwindle and the demographic change can affect the separatist demand. Interestingly, parents don’t mind if their son brings a girl from another community and converts her".

"But when it comes to their daughters marrying outside the community, there is violence and bloodshed," says former DGP M.M. Khajuria. Enquiries reveal that such runaway couples are found in each colony and region of the militancy-hit state. Many are going through the painful process of having to face society. Others have settled down, albeit in isolation, after braving it all.

Many Kashmiri Pandits marrying Muslims or vice-versa are those whose parents are still living through the wounds of the separatist movement. Elders of different communities openly scoff at the suggestion that the younger generation is scripting the story of a new and mixed society that would never be able to seek division on the lines of community, caste or race.

The marriages between Kashmiri Pandits and Muslims arouse the strongest passions. "There was a time when Kashmiri Pandits marrying Dogri boys or girls was a big no-no. Now, you find hundreds of such cases," reveals a sociologist, preferring anonymity out of fear of a backlash. The case of Kashmiri Pandits and Muslims is significant. The Pandits driven out of the valley have a natural grudge against the Muslims. The latter, too, demanding a separate state for their community, are naturally averse to any such alliance. But their second generation is determined to follow the diktats of the heart.

Interestingly, the first family of the state, the Abdullahs, are the most secular. Union Minister and former Chief Minister Farooq Abdullah is married to a Christian. His son and serving Chief Minister Omar Abdullah is wedded to a Sikh girl. His sister is married to a Hindu, the Union Minister of State for Telecommunications, Sachin Pilot. But it isn’t smooth sailing for everyone.


"What wrong did we do?" asks Shabnam with her husband Ravi Sharma (names changed) holding her hand tightly in their two-room rented house in the city. "We are both working in a multinational company. We liked each other, respect each other’s religion and told our parents of our decision to marry. But there was a volcano of a protest. We had no option but to elope. We got married but were caught. He was booked for kidnapping but the court came to our rescue. Now, we are living happily," she says. Some even take the fight up to the Supreme Court. The case of a Muslim girl from Doda and a Hindu youth from Nagrota is a case in point.

The apex court provided security to this love-lorn couple, hounded by relatives and cops. Anjum, 19, a Muslim from Doda, and Khemraj, 24, a Hindu from Nagrota, eloped few months ago. Both belong to influential families. They are reportedly living in hiding.
The undercurrents have not escaped the eye of social observers. Dr Niharica Subash, assistant professor, sociology, Jammu University, has met 115 such couples who have crossed the social boundaries, "Couples from Hindu, Sikh, Muslim and Christian families, especially the Dogris and Kashmiri Pandits, are running from their homes and marrying. Of these, a Hindu-Muslim, and specifically a Kashmiri Pandit-Muslim marriage, is a cardinal sin and
often results in violence, as happened in the Amina and Rajnish case".

Conversion after marriage becomes the main issue. The DGP remembers how a Sikh girl despite marrying a Muslim in England spent a torturous life for years. She wanted to follow her religion but there was opposition. She pulled along for a few years. But when it came to the children’s religion, she left the family.

Dr Niharica recalls her experiences in meeting two such couples, "Some Hindu girls had got converted. One of them agreed to talk to me on the condition that I wouldn’t disclose that she was originally a Hindu. She had adjusted so well in her new life". Another case was even more telling. "This woman, originally a Hindu, just refused to acknowledge that. She showed me the door, saying she was born a Muslim".

And it is not that all are living unhappily. "Ayaz and his Hindu wife are living happily in Jammu with both practising their respective religions. Even Ayaz’s sister, married to a Hindu, is living happily. Both had got their marriages solemnised outside the state in a court.

"This trend of going outside the state for marriage has been noted in most of the cases," asserts Dr Niharica, "Most of the couples I have met, married outside the state, especially in Chandigarh and New Delhi. A few return to the state. They can get married here but the repercussions would be immediate, while outside the state they can get a safe haven."

Saranjit Kaur cites from her M. Phil study on emerging trends of marriages, "There was a time when no community married out of caste or clan. But slowly, a change is coming. Dogris and Pandits are marrying, though there is opposition, but most of the parents accept the alliance once the grandchildren are born.

"The children of Kashmiri Pandits, especially those born in Jammu after migration, identify themselves with the people and culture here. They accept them, unlike their parents, who were forced to leave the valley."

The biggest opposition is to Hindu-Muslim marriages. "In Jammu and Kashmir, it is feared that such marriages can affect the majority of a population in a given area. For instance, if Hindu and Sikh girls marrying Muslims practice their faith, the Muslim majority is affected in the valley. The whole aim of the secessionist movement, or demand for leaving India for Pakistan is the rendered useless," she reasons. There is trouble for Dalit-Brahmin marriages as well. Rahul Dev of the Progressive Students Association shares the trouble he faced on marrying a Pandit girl.

He belongs to the Other Backward Classes. His wife, Rosy, is a Brahmin. Both studied law together in college. When they decided to marry, all hell broke loose." "The religious and caste lines are so deeply set. My father is an ex-serviceman. He accepted after two years that I was marrying a Brahmin girl. He still says he did not feel as much pain from the two bullets that pierced him while fighting the enemy as much he did at his son marrying outside the caste," says Rahul. "But he still doesn’t visit our house," adds Rosy.

first published in -- http://www.tribuneindia.com/2010/20100207/spectrum/main1.htm


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hear me also : jassi's husband to canadian court : Jassi Murder case

From Main Tribune
Jassi murder case : hear me also : jassi's husband to canandian court
Jupinderjit Singh/ TNS
Bathinda, September 27

"Abscence of the main conspirators in the honour killing case of my wife- Jassi - at the crime scene should not help them in escaping punishment."

A worried Sukhwinder Singh Mithu, tragic protagnist of the Jassi murder case said this in response to proceedings in a Canadian court which reportedly is verifying from Indian police officials if Jassi's mother Malkiat Kaur and Uncle Surjit Singh Badesha were present at site of murder of Jassi on June 8, 2000 near Malerkotla.

Mithu has requested the Court to allow him to depose before it for revealing the detailed phone calls his wife and he received before her murder.

" They gave the money to the contract killers, who had no other reason to kill jassi and left me persumed dead on that fateful evening," he said.

Surprised that the Canadian court has not called him as a witness so far, Mithu said it was in police records that Jassi's mother talked to Jassi over the phone of one of the contract killers.

" When she was in the captivity of killers, Malkiat Kaur called her up to inform her about my death (I was left persumed dead in the fields earlier) and asked her to return to Canada. This is in the police records. "

Mithu, who did not remarry and frequently changes his residence fearing attack on his life, said he was shocked that Canadian court or the Police there was discussing 13 years after the crime whether the two main conspirators were present or not and the bearing it has on the case."

" I am waiting for the day when Jassi's mother and Uncle are extradited to India to face trial here. I now wonder if it will happen in my life time," he said breaking down.

He said he had tried to go to Canada for joining the court proceedings but cannot get through.

" A false impression is made that my motive was to migrate to Canada all the while I was with Jassi and later also. I have got many marriage proposals from Canada after Jassi's murder. I could have easily achieved the alleged aim. I am wedded to Jassi, even so many years after her death," said an emotional Mithu.

Though Indian government moved the extradition of the two - Malkiat Kaur and Surjit Badesha- in 2005, the Canadian government began hearing the case in late 2011 only.

As per the extradition papers moved by the Indian Government, Jassi, a starry-eyed Canandian born was killed by a group of contract killers at the behest her mother and Uncle in June 2008 for allegedly marrying a youth of Kaunke Kalan, the native village of Jassi's mother.

The youth was a kabaddi player at that time. His humble house was situated behind the palatial house of jassi mother Malkiat Kaur and her brother Surjit Badesha. Besides the tradition of discouraging marriage between families of the same village in Punjab, there were socio-economic differences between the couple.

EOM

India's shame -Honour Kilings--eye opener research appeared in The Tribune today--along with latest case in Tohana

At 1,000 cases a year, India matches Pak in menace
R Sedhuraman
Legal Correspondent

New Delhi, July 4
As many as 1,000 boys and girls fall prey to honour killings every year in India, with Punjab, Haryana and Uttar Pradesh alone accounting for 900, according to a research paper presented at an international conference in London last week.

At this rate, the incidence of such killings in India is as high as the prevalence rate in Pakistan, which tops the global list of such crimes, the paper prepared by two Chandigarh-based experts said.

The crime is committed not only in the Muslim community but also among Sikhs and Hindus, they said.

In order to check this trend, there is an urgent for enacting laws providing for deterrent punishment to the perpetrators, advocates Anil Malhotra and his brother Ranjit Malhotra said. Attending a three-day International Conference on Child Abduction, Relocation and Forced Marriages organised by the London Metropolitan University, they said in the joint paper: “Forced marriages and honour killings are often intertwined. Marriage can be forced to save honour, and women can be murdered for rejecting a forced marriage and marrying partners of their own choice. In traditional societies, honour killings are basically justified as a sanction for dishonourable behaviour.”

They welcomed the government’s move to have a new law for dealing with the situation and the Supreme Court’s notice to the Centre following a PIL filed on the issue.

The Malhotra brothers were the only representatives from India at the Conference attended by International Family Law Experts from all over the world.

Prominent among those who attended the conference were Professor William Duncan, Deputy Secretary-General, Hague Conference on Private International Law, Professor Maarit Jantera-Jareborg, Professor of Private International Law with International Civil Procedure, Uppsala University, Sweden, Dr Judy Cashmore, Associate Professor of Law, University of Sydney, Professor Linda Silberman, Martin Lipton Professor of Law, New York University and Justice Peter Boshier, Principal Family Court Judge, New Zealand.

Children’s rights were still not valued high in India, which was manifest in the widespread child prostitution, child labour and the lack of children’s education, Ranjit said.

Comparing the legal framework adopted by various countries, he said a coordinated approach was necessary to effectively combat the problem of forced marriages, he said.

Tradition was largely responsible for forced marriages in India as parents felt it was their duty to get their children married. Accepting the free choice of young men and women of their life partner was still the exception, not the rule, the experts contended.

M A I N N E W S

HONOUR KILLINGS
Another couple butchered
Girl’s maternal uncles booked on murder charge
Sushil Manav
Tribune News Service

Tohana (Fatehabad), July 4
In what appears to be yet another case of honour killing, a teenaged couple was found dead at the village school ground in Samain on Sunday.

The boy had died of a head injury, revealed the post-mortem report. The girl’s body has been sent to the PGIMS, Rohtak, for autopsy. The police has registered a case of murder against several persons, including two maternal uncles of the victim Reena (16), on the complaint of Prem, father of the boy, Sham Mohammad, alias Gogi (18).

“A case of murder has been registered against Ram Mehar and Vijender, maternal uncles of the girl, besides some other villagers,” said Jagwant Singh Ahlawat, SP, Fatehabad.Reena, whose parents live in Barsikri village of Kaithal, lived with her maternal grandfather’s family in Samain. She had eloped with Gogi, a Muslim youth of the village, sometime back. The two studied together in the school where their bodies were found today.

A panchayat of village elders had ordered the boy to keep away from the village after the couple was found at the nearby Jamalpur railway station a few days after the elopement.Gogi’s family, bowing befpore the panchayat edict, had sent the boy for education to a madrasa in Qadian town of Punjab. He had come to see his family during his summer vacations 15 days back.

Reena’s family had discontinued her studies after the incident.

Prem told the police that his son was sleeping outside his house when at 11 pm he received a call on his mobile. He left the house soon after and did not return. This morning, some villagers spotted the bodies in the school ground and informed him of the incident.

There was a deep injury on the boy’s head. One of his eyes had ruptured and an arm fractured.

No apparent injury mark was found on the body of the girl. An empty pack of celphos, used to kill pests, was found near the bodies that lay about 5 ft from each other.

Surprisingly, none of the bodies had footwear. No shoes or slippers were found at the site.

19 honour killings in last two months !!!!!!!!!!!!!brilliant times of India write up on love vs honour killers

Honour killings: North India wages a vicious war against love
Abantika Ghosh, TNN, Jul 1, 2010, 01.13am IST


Article


Comments (223)


Tags:
Love|caste|honour killings|North India|Khap

HISSAR: Nineteen honour killings between April 9 and June 30. That translates to 80 days. Roughly, one murder every four days. Clearly, north India is waging an undeclared war against love.

You might think, along with Khap officials, honour killings have to do with caste. But the real casualty is love. None of the murdered couples married by arrangement. Scratch the skin of caste, and out comes love, bleeding. Deep down, the real enemy of Khap is an emotion.

Brothers shooting sisters, grandmother killing granddaughter, mother strangling daughter, father arranging son's death. Honour killings offer a variety of combinations. All of them equally effective, all of them totally result oriented.

The death of the Delhi-based journalist Nirupama Pathak in her Koderma home for her relationship with a boy from a different caste and the arrest of her mother shook the country that has professed to evolve a casteless society.

Nirupama's turned out to be the first of a series of seemingly interminable killings. Not a single day passes without one or two reports of youngsters either being killed or being hounded by their families for the "crime" of falling in love. And it is turning relatives and friends, hitherto affectionate people, into demons.

Sociologist and JNU emeritus professor Yogendra Singh finds the recurring cases of honour killing "bewildering". Many factors seem to have overlapped, he says. "There was always a subterranean sentiment of male chauvinism lurking in the northern parts of the country, where female insubordination was always nipped in the bud. But even here, until recently, criminal acts were not sanctioned. Equally disturbing is the fact that caste killings are soft-pedalled as it hurts vote bank politics."

Capital city Delhi, for all its aspirations to be a truly international cultural centre, has seen three related honour killings in the last fortnight. And these murders were carried out by jeans-and T-shirt wearing youngsters, not the dhoti-kurta-pagri clad caste leaders.

There is a hum of anger in Haryana's Jatland against the state government for its alleged "misguided policies" (read liberal). The politically influential Jats are talking now of a "mahapanchayat", an extra-constitutional authority. And veiled threats are being made about cutting off Delhi's water supply unless the Hindu Marriage Act is changed to ban same-gotra and same-village marriages.

Says Rajkumar Numberdar, one of the more firebrand khap leader of Narnoud village: "It is not as if girls and boys did not fall in love earlier. But, of late, it is becoming difficult to control them because they know they just need to elope and ask for police protection. If politicians want to foist their warped ideas on us, why don't they first kill off village elders?"

Adds pradhan, Rajveer Dhanda: "If the government sends these elopers to jail instead of giving them police protection, the malaise will be taken care of in no time."

Village headmaster Dhoop Singh plays a mellower track, "Today's kids lack values. But, it is also true that we need to become more flexible and move with the times. It may make sense not to marry into the gotra of my mother or my grandmother, but why should entire villages -- at times dozens -- get together to establish brotherhoods and deny their children the right to live their lives their way?"

But Dhoop Singh is an exception. Said a 20-something junior teacher in Dhoop Singh's school to his boss, "Why don't you get your own son and daughter married then? Talk about change after that."

In Delhi, Kanjhawala resident Col (retd) Mehar Singh Dahiya, whose family has traditionally been an important player in the panchayat of the Dahiya Khap, does not agree with the term honour killing. "Why call it honour killing? It is a social compulsion that a father is under, because his daughter has shortchanged him by marrying against his will and has denied him spiritual upliftment that kanyadaan gives. In a way, the person you are calling killer is actually a victim of social circumstances." A daughter is precious, hence the pride in her, he adds. In other words, it's all for love.

Be it Nirupama's mother or the Sonepat grandmother, who killed her grand daughter, women seem to have made the transition from being mere spectators of honour killings to main actors.

"That's a generalization. It really depends on the circumstances in family and society," says DCP (Outer Delhi) Chhaya Sharma. "There is often an element of the killer's self-redemption before the eyes of the family after a daughter's conduct has caused shame. I can't really blame them. These women have for long been used to male domination, and they derive patriarchal values," he adds.

But all is not dark. Close to Narnoud is the Satror Khap comprising 40-50 villages that do not traditionally have intra-village marriages. "There are efforts now," says pradhan Inder Singh of Putthi village, "to break these up into smaller units -- tapas -- of 10-12 villages, where inter-marriage would be allowed."

It is not a sentimental decision. Says the pradhan's son, Bhagat Singh, a schoolteacher: "There are very few girls left and too many boys. Who will the boys marry otherwise?"

If social conditions are harbingers of change, will gotra and village taboos, too, go in the next 50 years? "Wait till the elders breathe their last. You will see change in 25 years," says Bhagat Singh.

But can lovers afford to wait that long?