Middle : Matters of Heart- by Jupinderjit Singh

MIDDLE

Matters of heart
by Jupinderjit Singh

CHUNNI Lal did not come for duty today. He had not come yesterday and day before that also. He was the most simpleton and funny domestic help I ever had. With his right eye damaged since birth, he appeared ugly at first look.

The moment he smiled, he looked quite cute, and even the yellowish cream eye shined. He came to my house on his own after knowing that my previous cook 'Rambo' had gone to his native village on two months’ leave. I took him in and thanked for God's benevolence. Little did I know that my miseries had just started.

Chunni Lal was a night watchman, who claimed to double up as a cook-cum-domestic help. "Barre ghar mein kaam kiya hai. ( I have worked in big houses)," he announced himself.

I asked him to buy and cook green peas and potatoes in the evening and do the dusting. As I set myself to eat that evening, I got the first shock. He had taken about 10 big-sized potatoes, cut those into half and taken about 20 green peas only. I had to virtually set the potato pieces, equal to the size of a mutton piece, aside to find a pea.

Exasperated, I asked, “Chunni Lal ji, what is this? So less peas?”

" Arre saheb, peas and potatoes have to be the same quantity and I counted them also." he said with a grin.

Next morning, on his own, he cooked yellow daal. When I asked him what happend to peas? He went back and after a few minutes pushed in a bowl full of raw green peas into my plate!

"What is this ?

"Saheb g, you said green peas, so I brought those."

"Gosh, I was asking about the ones you cooked last night,"

"So say directly. How would I know? I already told you my brain is weak. My wife even says I don’t have a brain or it functions improperly," the simpleton said while walking briskly towards the kitchen, swaying his hands helplessly.

More shocks were in store. I asked him as he had worked in big houses he must be knowing how to operate a washing machine. He nodded “yes” but still I gave him a demo. That evening I saw a stack of washed clothes on the bed. I was happy he did the work properly and thought of getting those ironed next morning.

My pleasure was short-lived. The clothes were still wet and had spoiled the bed-sheet and the mattress. I asked him the reason, "Arre saheb , I saw this in barre ghar ( big rich house)."

"But dear Chunni Lal, you need to hang them for drying also even if the machine dries them to some extent," I explained. He turned away briskly towards the kitchen, saying another gem that left me speechless, "I told you I have a weak brain. But what use is the machine if you have to still dry them under the sun?"

Every minute was fun with him. The other day I asked him to plug in a liquid mosquito repellent. He plugged it in upside down with a simple logic: “How would liquid come out if it is plugged straight? I had no patience to teach him science that made the liquid heat up.

Once he was told to keep the power supply bill at a safe place. I suggested him to put it in a wall hanging outside the bathroom door. He put it behind the tap on the sink reasoning he saw only the sink hanging out from the wall !

But for last two days he hadn't turn up. I remembered I had scolded him pretty harsh when he was cleaning the bed with a broom! I lost my temper at the sight of the broom touching the bed-sheet and the pillows just after he cleaned the floors with it!

I spotted him on duty at the entrance of the colony near my house. I confronted him. "I won’t work," he said in his Bihari Hindi. “You scolded me,” he added.

“Chunni Lal, if you have to leave the job when I scold you, why don't you work for free on the day when I praise you or give you clothes or something. And I scold for your betterment only. To teach you work."

“I don't know what you say. I told you my brain is weak or it functions improperly, as my wife says, but certain matters are of the heart, Saheb. When the heart is hurt, then it doesn’t listen to anything, even the brain. Then it does what it wants. Nothing is good or bad, profit or loss. Such is the working of the heart, and my heart works properly," he said walking away.
(first published in The Tribune - http://www.tribuneindia.com/2012/20120428/edit.htm#5 )